Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Revulsion


I am a real person. I am both strong and weak. Would you not try to judge my gender? I am male or a female?

I was raped. Now you are sure I am a girl. Men are not raped. What about child abuse. You must have heard cases where little boys have also been sexually abused. It’s not a girl or a boy then, but just kids. Do you now, atleast consider my gender to be male? Yes, you are giving it a thought.

Where was I? I was raped, right?

The first thing that would come to your mind is what was I wearing? Provoking short clothes. Ok, let me confirm you that I am a male. YES, I am a male and I was raped. What now? That couldn’t be the reason right. If it had been, then Salman Khan would have been the one to be raped the most.

Am I characterless? Almost 80% of men are. We would ogle and leer at every girl who thinks she is beautiful. Spending a night with someone is a trophy to be bragged about. But I am not one of them. I am a shy guy. I never had female friends. Even at office I just had formal talks with them. Love and such things, I have never felt for anybody except my family. I although have a crush on Priyanka Chopra. She is very pretty.

Should I have been at my home at night? Yes, I always do that. I don’t do it scared of being raped. I do it of not getting robbed. I take enough precautions. I don’t talk to strangers and keep myself safe and sound in this unknown city. That day it was by chance that I had to work late. The project was critical and my incentive depended on it. I stayed late and it made all the difference.

What was the reason then? Was I weak? Yes, I was. They were four men and me alone. I hit gym but still, four were too many. First of all, it broke my confidence that I could be raped. I knew I was going to be raped and instead of helping myself I started seeking for help. But no one came.

I came out of the office. The clock clearly explained that the public transport would not be available at this time. I was walking on the lonely road in hope of finding an auto-rickshaw. Four men blocked my path. They asked for my purse and just a single knife was enough for me to submit my wallet and mobile. They were drunk but fully conscious of what they were doing. Three of them turned to run away but one of them had an evil grin. “Wait, let’s try something different.” I clearly remember his words. I still hear it sometimes and it scares me the same every time. They shoved a cloth in my mouth and dragged me. It was an hour almost but a decade for me.

Am I ashamed of being raped? Yes, I am. So don’t ask me how I feel. You will never know until you are raped. If you really wanna know, I will give you the address of the street and you can try your luck there.

Did I lodge a complaint? No, I didn’t. I have not told anyone. I can’t. I still want to stay the macho-man my friends call me because of my build. Am I guilty of being raped? Yes, I am. I did nothing to stop rape than just argue like shitheads with my friends like I do about cricket. If a person is raped, there is just one reason. It is the criminal distorted mindset of some sick bastards. The only other reason I have found out till now is, this sleeping, double faced society.

You pity me right. YES, even I do. There is a lot of revulsion. But you will ask me to be strong because men are supposed to be. I am scared but even more when I think...
What if I was a girl?


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