Ziddi

Outlook of a female wanderer

Dillagi

There is a thin line between flirting(dillagi) and love(ishq). 

This poem tells the difference. 

Music By - Krishna Chalwetkar

Gussa

तुम  हसीन , सूरज की उत्तेजना हो, 

तुम ही, कोहिनूर की प्रेरणा हो, 

वीराना रात, मुझे हर पल तड़पाता है, 

सबसे ज्यादा, तेरा गुस्सा याद आता है । 

घूर के देखा, आँखें बड़ी हो जाती थी ,

कुछ न बोलकर , भी तू डरा जाती थी ,

गुस्से  प्यार तुझपर आता है ,

यारा, तेरा गुस्सा याद आता है । 

तू शांत भी है, और चंचल भी, 

सफ़ेद कमल, रंग बिरंगी तितली भी, 

तेरी शरारतें, दिल हंस के रो देता है,

मुझे तेरा गुस्सा याद आता है । 

कुछ न कहा, सब समझ गयी तुम,

आँखों से बातें कर लेते थे हम, 

तुम साथ हो तो, रोना भी अच्छा लगता है,

तेरा गुस्सा बड़ा याद आता है । 

तंग किया, बहुत सताया है तुमने,

डांटा भी, गले लगाया भी तुमने,

तुम हो तो अँधेरा भी रंगीन लगता है,

शायद इसलिए, तेरा गुस्सा याद आता है । 

Together

It was a normal day like ever. I and my friend Naval were out for a stroll. I have been working for 8 months now and he is preparing for higher studies after completing college. We were roommates in college and now share a rented flat. We both work hard and once I come back, we go out for a stroll and have some snack. The cool evening breeze and random people doing things which often turn out funny are our source of entertainment. We cross the park where the elderly are taking laughter therapy and that always bring a smile on our face. I hate when I get late from office and we have to miss it.

“1 rupee.” A small child kept uttering it and following us. We walked for seconds and then I scolded him to make him run away. I hate beggars. This is the worst thing one can do for a living. People are even ashamed to send kids for begging and spoil their future. It’s already frustrating to handle the demands of the manager at office, keep being pestered by society of having a job with minimal salary when most of my friends are earning almost twice than me. All of the frustration came out on that harsh scolding. It scared the kid enough to run away. Naval didn't say a word and kept walking.

“We have never seen beggars at this place, I just hate them.”

Naval just nodded and went to the patties shop. We had our patties and went back. Three more days have passed and we would always find someone begging. A lady with a small child, a small boy with a half pant and green dirty t-shirt. A girl in a pink frock holding a doll with a missing eye. They generally catch couples or elderly because they are more generous. However, we were always approached but never followed. Guys are emotionless, is a universal accepted phenomenon.

It had been a bad day for me. My friend gave me the good news of his new job, I congratulated him and felt disappointed. While I was still busy mourning, my manager came and ask about the work. I was late on schedule so he took out all his frustration on me. The laughter therapy was also not making me smile. The kid came and asked us for money, he had no hope of getting it so was already searching for a potential target. Naval took out a small box of biscuit and gave him. He ran away almost snatching it.

“You shouldn't promote begging.” I was not angry but disappointed, and he was even challenging my beliefs.

“They are kids, it’s not their fault. It’s their parent’s fault, why to hate them for it. I never give them money but biscuits or chocolates. Just look at them.”

I turned and searched for him. He was right there beneath the banyan tree with his sister. He was pointing at us and trying hard to open the biscuit wrapper. He used his teeth to open it. They both were more excited than what I would have been on getting a salary hike. Yes, it was worth it. I knew naval very well, we would now be having veg patties than cheese patties to compensate it.

I walked back home and I was happy. May be money is important but being happy with yourself and sharing happiness is even more important. I have always kept few toffees in my pocket since that day.

Housing.com shares this spirit of optimism and being together.

Rise Above fear

First of all, let me tell you what my fear is. Acropobia – fear of heights. I am scared to go to any floor above 4^th and lean on the balcony. Seeing the ground from that level scares the shit out of me. Well, I don’t think anyone except my mother knew this because as a kid everyone used to tease me for it.

My elder brother called me on a random day and asked if I wished to go on a training for Paragliding session. I was damn sure that he is joking so I said, "Why not". He didn’t say much so we did some random talk. Next day I had a flight ticket and the itinerary of the course. It mentioned the various do’s n don’ts. Now I was shitty scared and had no options even, not much money was going to be refunded. My sister was also accompanying, so just to show myself strong I went along with the flow.

The training started with groundwork. It was a lot of physical exercise and you learnt to handle the glider on ground. It was very tiring but I enjoyed it. The next level we went to a height of 80 feet from sea level and jumped from there. But it was actually a slope so I was never at a height of more than 20 feet from ground. It was fun and I enjoyed it. Actually I was doing better than both my brother and sister.

The next day we went to a height of 300 feet. The 300 feet gap was clearly visible. It was a straight drop. The wind was vigorous so we waited for it to calm. Every second was just initiating more adrenaline to my body asking me to run back to the camp. After around half an hour the wind calmed down and we started. The trainer went first and I already said that I was not going to do it. My brother laughed and said that he will go first. My sister who is younger than me wished to go second. Being the elder one it hurt my ego and I planned to go second.

I took the flight. My feet left the ground and I was in complete suspension. It was just me and the glider and the radio on which I was getting commands, all together at a height of 300 feet. It was a beautiful place. In the earlier half an hour I was mesmerized by its beauty. Huge lake surrounded on all side by mountains. The place where we were supposed to land was at a horizontal distance of around 1 km and was surrounded by water bodies from three side. It was just perfect for people who are going to do it, just once in their life. We were also told that there are high tension wire just next to the mountain but we don’t need to worry about it. Also if we land on water then, a lot of chances are there that we might sink in. None of it was helping.

When my feet just left the ground I was looking at my target. The place where I was supposed to land. People often describe the scenic beauty while trying such things and how they fell in love with nature. Nothing happened to me. I was just focused at my target and hell with nature. When I successfully landed I finally was relieved. Everyone training with us was talking about how beautiful was the view from above and I was silently proud of myself for being able to do it.  

I don’t know if my fear is gone or not but I want to go back and enjoy the nature this time. It was indeed one of the best gift given to me.

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Baatein

नयी जगह, नये लोग,
हिचकिचाहट को, तोड़ देते हैं,
कई रास्ते, एक मंज़िल,
चलो बातें करते हैं |

कई दोस्त, कुछ ख़ास होंगे,
हर के अपने ज़ज़्बात होते हैं,
बना लेते हैं, यादों का किला,
चलो बातें करते हैं |

कोई गिर गया, तो उठा लेंगे,
कोई छूट गया, तो ढूँढ लेंगे,
याराना होगा, किताबों में शामिल,
चलो बातें करते हैं |

प्यार होगा, मोब्बत होगी,
देख उनको, आहें भरते हैं,
बड़ा ही प्यारा है ये समा,
चलो बातें करते हैं |

ये वादियाँ, हसीन है,
एक दूसरे को तंग करते हैं,
क्या पता फिर मिले ना मिले,
चलो बातें करते हैं |

Stop Laughing

Richa was coming from the front. A drop of sweat trickled down Raj’s face. He stopped his hastening to and fro movements and stood still like the statue in the nearby park. 

Blue salwar, white kameez, a flick of kohl in the eyes. 4 metal bangles on each hand, beaded earrings, a thin nose ring and a smile on her charming face. She was dark, not chocolate dark but enough not to be called fair. She jerked her head to let the strip of her hair flow back behind her ears. It would however come back any second.

They have been in the relationship for 3 years. Anyone would have fallen in love with her queer prankish personality. She came and proposed and he immediately said yes. The couple was a symbol of love and trust.

“You are sweating. Did I make you wait very long?” Richa held her ears with a tensed cute look.

“Naah, I came early. Need something to drink. Let’s go.” They took the last seat of the restaurant to maintain their privacy.

“You know, my mom is taking me for shopping today. It’s my brother’s marriage after all. I will leave in an hour.”

“I wanted to say something.”

“Since when did you start asking permission from me? You are the bossy one here.” Richa smirked but she felt the awkward silence. She kept her palm over his.

“We need to break-up.” Raj said for the first time looking straight in her eyes.

“What?” Drops of cold coffee spread over the table as she coughed. A pool flew out of the glass with the jolt and successfully landed on the red carpet. The straw took 3 merry go round trips and preferred to stay in the glass.

“I don’t like golgappe but eat it to keep you happy. We don’t have anything more to talk about at our night calls. You started lying to me about your friends. We are not so excited to meet each other like earlier. You talk more about your family than us. You would not miss classes anymore to go out for a movie with me. You have started scolding me for things you don’t like.” He said it all in one go. Every excuse he had thought of giving her.

She was gazing him right in the eyes. He couldn’t take it anymore and lowered his head. He was well prepared for a slap in the public and he deserved it. He was ready for it all.

“Ok.”

That was a calm reply. He was shocked and lifted his head up in amazement. She was walking away whistling. Instead of being enraged, she left him in astonishment.

“Wait, STOP.”

She halted and turned.

“Would you not say anything? Are you not mad at me? You would have been hurt but you are happy. I just can’t believe it.”

She stood there laughing. The laugh was even more infuriating than the whistle.

“Would you really not do anything to save our relationship?” His frustration was catching more eyes. 

“Please stop laughing.” He screamed.

The laugh stopped but the smile remained.

“I would come running after you. Do every silly bit till whatever it will take, to get us back together. But first…”

She took the dramatic pause. How could she miss the expressions on his face. He was eagerly waiting for her to finish the sentence. His expressions changed 100 times per second from all fear, astonishment, worry, and what not.

“But first, Learn to live without me.”

She walked away laughing hysterically. 

He & Her Birthdays

Raj woke up and didn’t find her beside on the bed. The clanking of utensils from the kitchen signaled that she had woken up early today. He got up, took a big yawn and moved towards the bathroom to clean his teeth.

Richa was preparing a cake in the kitchen. She remembers every date that brought a change in their life. She loves celebrating each one of them. He however has to be reminded of them. He can’t even recall the occasion by mentioning the date.

But birthdays are always special. Why to ruin it if he doesn't remember it. A cake and the surprise would bring excitement to his face. We will go to a movie in the evening and dine at their favourite restaurant. No, we will do candle light dinner today. Richa had been thinking while applying icing to the perfectly baked cake.

It had been four years of their marriage. Not for a single time he remembered to wish her. She has now got accustomed to it. Birthdays are not so special for Raj. He wouldn’t celebrate even his birthday if Richa wouldn’t force him to. She forgives him now but celebration should not be affected.

“Good morning.” Richa came out of the kitchen.

Raj replied back with his face still inside the newspaper.

“Do you remember what it is today?”

Richa was very eager to find the same surprise look on his face. She would then let him make some wild guess until she lose patience and tell him.

“Oh yeah, I do. I have to fill this date in some documents every other month.”

Raj's face had a smile. He was confused and a little happy. The same look had started coming to Richa's face while her happiness was decreasing.

“It’s my birthday.” Raj exclaimed.

Richa brought out the cake hidden behind her and bumped it on the dining table. The cherry on the top tumbled down the floor.

Raj on seeing the cake, excitedly leaped towards it.

“You forget my birthday every year but remember yours. How selfish.” Richa slapped Raj, went inside the room and locked it.

Raj stood there perplexed holding the knife in his hand whether to cut the cake or not.

The best ones

“You are always chatting with him. You sure he is not your boyfriend.” Richa asked priya.

“I told you many times, we are just friends. The best ones.” She put extra stress on her last sentence to frustrate her.

“You are so close to him, don’t you love him?”

“Yes, of course I do. I don’t know what this love is but I like everything just the way it is. And I am sure that this will also be his reply.”

“Ok, what’s your favourite hangout place?”

She looked out of her laptop screen and to her, for the first time. Even she was not looking at her and busy combing her hair. She smiled thinking about her answer.

“We don’t have one. We never hung out much.”

“WTF”, the comb dropped and both of them got full attention.

“How did you both got so close and all those trust on each other things came up?”

“I don’t know. We were totally different from each other and we both just got better friends with time. We did meet occasionally and talked. May be that’s why this friendship is so special.”

“I get it. That’s why you don’t have a single gift given from him. Every one of those dumb head friend I made have always hit on me. And girl you are way prettier than me.”

“I haven’t got your attitude.”

“How come he never hit on you? Is he gay?”

Priya punched her lightly.

“No, seriously. Are you the only girl he talks with? May be that’s why you are so special for him.”

“He is a big time flirt. He would have dated more people than you have. But he never flirts with me. Although he calls me his girlfriend and promise to pester me till I find someone.”

The smile with occasional laugh about the memories made Richa feel so jealous.

“Yaar, make him my boyfriend. I need someone like him.”

“It is better you don’t. That’s the only bad thing about him. He will date you, flirt with you and then 

leave without any explanation. I don’t understand when he became like this.”

Richa saw her feeling sad and lost somewhere else. She needed to bring her back.

“Why don’t you both go in a relationship? You would be perfect.”

She looked at her and back to the laptop screen. He had been pinging her question marks for long time.

“That’s the reason I have a best friend and you don’t.”

Richa understood her friendship for the first time. 

Faith and Fate

Raj was listening to the preachings very consciously. Guruji was talking about the behavior of the heart at the time of death. The thumping and then the silence. He was so calm and peaceful. His charisma draw Raj towards him.

“Come here son.” Guruji called Raj after the lecture. He stood perplexed for a moment and then hurried to him, tumbling and managing his things. Guruji don’t talk to anyone much. He tried many times but Guruji never allowed anyone. Death was not something to be talked about like idiots. Guruji was a spiritual teacher but he had a special command when describing death. His followers believed that he has met with death more than once.

“I have seen you here often. They tell me that you are roaming around the Ashram and trying to learn from other people.”

“Guruji, I want to know the truth about death. I am scared of it but don’t want to be.”

“You look from a nice family son, must have a good job also. WHY?”

“Yes, I had a job which others dream of. I got bored of it. I want to understand what a relationship is. Why we are so much attracted and bonded with some people but not with others? Most of all I want to know, if there is an afterlife?”

There was a shine in Guruji’s eyes.

“How long have you been here? Your family knows about it?”

“Yes, they know. They tried a lot to convince me to come back but have left hope now.”

“Ok, go out and wait in the meditation room. Someone will come and tell you, what needs to be done.”

The smile of joy changed into that of victory. Guruji had accepted to teach him. He waited for more than an hour but no one came. His phones had already been taken at the gate of the Ashram so was very bored. But he knew, every great achievement needs a lot of patience.

A man in a saffron cloth wrapped around his body, came to him. He had never seen him before. He took out a straight razor and signaled him to sit straight. His head was shaved and was given a saffron Kurta. It was too wide for him but he didn’t raise a single question. He knew the silence meant that he was not going to be answered. The guy then rolled the carpet and showed a hidden path. He followed him. The dungeon was quite dark and creepy. He was not scared. He had stayed hours in graveyard trying to understand death.

“You are now ready.” The voice of guruji echoed. The guy disappeared.

Guruji came infront of him and started to roam around. The dungeon was dark enough and he was finding it hard to follow Guruji’s movement, standing few feet away from him.

“You wanted to see death right.”

Raj just nodded. He didn’t know he was too excited or scared but he couldn’t turn back now.

“Have a good look then, you are standing with death.”

Raj looked around trying to understand the dungeon for the first time.

A knife swiftly touched his ribs leaving a stream of blood. LED lights flashed in the dungeon.

“Next lecture, I will tell how eyes behave at the time of death.” Guruji said in his calm voice, pleasantly resting Raj’s head in his lap.